Spiritual Povera, Redacted Extract #2 (from Chapter Six)

¹

Kylie is a fat lazy slug cloud, sutured together by Surgery. Kylie is Futurism (or Cubism?) or both(?) because she is a sculptural project dependent on Speed. The speed in which she can translate the fat person she is into the Imago of her Being, which is pure surface, through the use of a scalpel.² She moves fat around with Surgical tools, against time with speed, down to the exact perfect millisecond to maintain Representation, as such she is an Artist. To keep the public from knowing her spiritual essential being is a fat core-shame slug, the exact millisecond of fat transference is crucial, she MUST render, in this way she is not just Image but Video. It’s like being fat and being so afraid of being seen without a shirt on, being fat in summer. This energy it’s the girl who needs a boyfriend. It’s the boy that needs a girlfriend. It’s when we need a crew. We need a crew. When we need a scene. We need a scene. Kylie Jenner is also video in that her Shadow Self is both a Medieval 1980s plastic surgery casualty AND the body Christ birthed her with, she’s two things—but her Projected Light Register (that is Seen) is mostly Instagram Whore. Video is two things, one pushing forward more than the other, one essence is propelling, pulsating, falling into the future, it’s still and moving—this is Ambition. The future is present every second. We read her motion. She dances (shimmers). Kylie has accessed psychic Rendering technology through Wealth.³ She’s a dancer (whore). Her money gives her access to resources to make Physical an Image, an Imago. She is a sculptor, investor, real estate mogul, she’s truly embodied building, architectural, a magician. Inward vested. Kylie Jenner is doing dark magic in the way she is rendering based on fear of conditional love, literally forcing it to be true, but she is also providing the World with a Reference that something More than we Think is possible is Possible. She’s taken an economic advantage and turned it into a technological ode to the power of Imagination and Action. It actually doesn’t matter about material. Microsoft Word is free (while your Monash ID still works). Kylie’s dark magic could never be dark, even in its darkest form it could never be dark, because a terrorist still blasts open a pocket of imagination and God’s highest will is for growth. Growth is the logic of the cancer cell, so cancer could never be wrong (Dr. Zack Bush). All expansive ideas are anti-capitalist, in a moment of grace all Karma is burnt away, even if it appears one way, I throw my last dollar down with complete faith in a cosmic bait and switch. This is how I burnt my life down. All we have is perception. On the phone this morning he said “I was someone with a lot of potential and I was an alcoholic. You were someone with ████████████████████.” No group show. A disease of perception. Unrealised Magicians feel lonely. Kylie Jenner is Renderingtechnology. She found a way to bring herself from the Lag of her Low and Dark Real psychic form into a Light and Empty Contemporary form. Kylie A alchemised into Kylie B. This is Christ Consciousness. An Angel of Nothing. She’s tapped into, accidently, the collective ancestral Thought Form (which when compiled allows for vast amounts of Energy, known as an Egregore⁴) to Transmute her from slow to fast. Everything that existed in the past⁵ had to exist so that Kylie Jenner’s body could be how it is today; that is to say the technology of the past had to be rudimentary to allow us to make it Elegant and refined.⁶ The problem of painting is rendering. Every day in waking life we render yesterday, today, tomorrow. I wake up and immediately pray. Make me new again, take my will, take my life. Action is a prayer. Words are spells. Thoughts are spells. Make me famous, infamous, notorious, canon, don’t let them be famous first. Don’t let them be canon without me. Have it written in: I was foundational canon. He said on the phone this morning “I can’t explain it, I’m not afraid of getting older, I’m not afraid of becoming irrelevant.” I stub my toe, I stub my toe again, and then I cut off my arm, and then I grate my forehead into a brick wall rubbing it up and down and rubbing it around in little circles, around, around, in a little circle of warm blood and soft bits of mooshy flesh. Action is faith in motion. I believe (and then I don’t) the whole of history is happening at the same time. Slips and breaks between timelines can occur to bring you up⁷ or allow for dark psychic forces to slip between and take revenge⁸—every moment of panic is an opportunity. A person who also lives in this house, her music taste is iPhone clock alarms. Because she is asleep. A deep-sea diver trains with weighted ankle straps running on the ocean bed of Hawai’i, holding their breath. Kylie Jenner’s timeline sits on the shoulders of the giants before her,⁹ and they will avenge her in the Purgatory that is all timelines happening simultaneously for Eternity¹⁰ for so carelessly ignoring them, biting them. Gratitude lists are protective devices against psychic Natural Justice from the people from where we were begot. Un-realised ghosts, aborted-lives, our failed past-lives, pushing at us to complete, pushing past us, yapping at our feet. Sometimes gratitude lists have the same vibrational frequency as your life slipping away from you. He talked about sitting at dinner after a meeting and having this sensation that he could feel his life slipping away from him. We started the NA Melbourne Gratitude List Whatsapp group and then we both left. I am grateful to all the alcoholics that died to make AA. I am grateful for all the addicts too retarded for AA that died to make NA. I am grateful for everyone who left NA so I can leave NA. In this way it is important to be grateful for what you have and how you came to exist (think about how many times an Egg and a Seed had to Complete to bring you to this Point, someone had to survive every single point of human history to get me here, this is a miracle, a family tree takes me back to the first born man, that I am embodied Limitless Survival, until this point).¹¹ Hurricane Kanye, Abel. Kylie is VHS into Blu-ray. An Artist makes Knowledge render, makes God happy, should be financially rewarded for their service to Growth, but this programming blocks, blocks, blocks, group-shows, tags, drinks, fucks, moves overseas. We chose our parents, we chose every circumstance up until THIS point, what comes next we willed for it too. This is modern consent. Anything can be played to an Advantage if you understand that it’s a mirror. This is the Arena of Dreams! We are in a psychic-sandpit, imagine co-vid respiration particles, this only hints at a visualisation of how many Higher Beings are hovering around us at any one time, magnetically pulling things towards us and away from us according to our vibrational frequency attuned at our Subconscious-Self Worth. As Psychic Beings we are in control of our Destiny, you just have to Choose it. Faith got her cheque and destroyed Stassi on Vanderpump Rules through timeline jumping. She kept that channel open for years!!!!!! And then POUNCE like a click of the fingers. Like Jonnine clicking through the latest HTRK. Casual. Effortless. But keeping your channels open is Povera Mindset.¹² Pick one and commit. Like ███████ driving in to ███████’s bedroom.

If a product is good, it does not need Marketing. If a product is good, it does not need time travel. If we live without regrets, open to learning, open to Understanding, we do not need Science. Marketing is an admission of lack. Taking an L is an expression of a Laissez-Faire Inherent Essential Self Worth. A good marketing Agency would reverse engineer self-esteem into the Product from conception, Beta testing, before release. Pro-Life Agency’s way is the product has its own Core and Root, and in its Wholeness (Whole not Good¹³) transmits a vibrational frequency that acts as medicine. I don’t know how the firm makes money, or makes money for their clients, but it will come. We activate our magnetic core, we let the gravitational forces of energetic frequency work the way they will, that Gods Will will be done, maybe, whatever that may be.¹⁴ I literally just give everything over to faith, like I only lost the last two and a half years of my life doing this, what could possibly go wrong?¹⁵ In the old world, we use sex.¹⁶

█████████████████ proclaimed he was a working-class guy. His self-authoring hand felt present, a little too strong. In this misstep he became alive again. Community is an alienating force. Terrorists are Agents of Change. Break off the shackles of a Thousand Time-Lines and burst through the psychic pressure. I want to be more than a Consumer, I want to dance free in the celestial skies with my Twin Flame (fake news words for Dark Alien AI) we are not bound together by toxic co-dependency but by being the Mirror Image of each other. What I am not you are, what you are not I am. We come together as a Photograph. He is Negative and I am Positive and when we are together, we Project a Whole Image More than One… Two+, A Trinity. And it’s not enough. You can have everything you want and it’s not enough. With the Grace of God we turn an Attack into a Gateway.¹⁷

Trauma extreme enough to make epigenetic change allows some of us to access levels of information not legible to ordinary people. On both ends of the spectrum, although there is cellular damage, we have more Information, we expand, this is growth (God’s Only Will). In Form Action. Cracking Up. The right words will come later. The right words don’t matter. To make a product so strong it becomes a splinter-cell. This can be done by trauma. To traumatise someone so much they become a splinter-cell, this is the it-girl, the schizophrenic, the love-avoidant, the internet artist. I redact to withhold the expansive potential parts of this text, hold for those who don’t fucking deserve to grow. Everyone deserves to grow. If they grow, they will leave. We make our own technologies to grow. We can share what we know. You only keep what you have by giving it away. I hold on. ████’s cum and cruel indifference to my Essential Welfare was radicalising. Kylie Jenner has been so traumatised by her low self-esteem that she is Rendering different versions of herself, onto herself, into herself, updating constantly every day like downloading new Programs, the more Alien dark AI, the more compassionately relatable. There is this small window where Kylie goes from 2D form (Image), to 3D Artist (it’s not that she goes to Video¹⁸, but that she thought it possible and made it be), as she teaches us a lesson in manifestation (Buffering, Rendering, Blu-ray, she shows us 4D), and when we receive this transmission and understand how limited we have been, it goes 5D (minimum (Christ Conscious, Cosmic Creator)). This is the act of a Magician, of a God. A redemptive arc. Kylie makes Nothing from Something, Something from Nothing. Nothing from Nothing. If you work hard on one project and perfect it you come to understand its Energetics, you can apply those Energetics to Anything. Each chapter is a brick. A trick. This is a practice. Kylie mastered Imago Rendering so now she can master anything, and I write and write and write. We Build and burn down.¹⁹ But we don’t let go. We play at Playing. Architects. Friends. Iconoclasts. We pretend Loyalties. Angels fly when our Image moves so fast and free we finally float. It’s then, in 114 years’ time, that waking up in Coburg at 4am on my younger sister’s couch, crawling to the downstairs toilet, the moon is still up, when I have to throw up, with this feeling of dread, doom, irreparable loss, abandonment, the loss of all connection to my meaning, I lost something so profound I wake up and throw up upon consciousness—when we are free it will make sense. From the Market different people want different things.

The inside of my big book has a post-it, it says “fucking relax”. I want from the Market, Attraction. I want from the Market, Control. Things that are not buyable. I paint in a way that is not teach-able. Attraction rather than promotion, a tradition. Kylie Jenner did not buy Attraction, she had a dream and brought resources inline to bread-crumb path step to the timeline Her Dream existed on.²⁰ 12-step. 15 steps, then a sheer drop.²¹ Honky Houston shuffle. Money is Glue. You need to know what you want. Money is Passive, Only the Self is Active. The universe wants a sense of humour. The institution wants a bleeeeeeep bleeeeep bleeeeeeep bleeeeeeep bleeeeeeeep bleep bleep.

Monash holding pattern. I dream of a disturbing force so thorough what it Affects becomes Sentient, splinter-cells. What comes after Video? How can we jumpfrog our broken toxic love? A broken link proclaiming a show that never happened. The link rots online, a tombstone website sits where a Family once was. “Don’t you know we are a family?” No. Hand in the fire holding pattern. My supervisors wouldn’t even read my thesis, despite being paid to do so. Do you see this narrative? (I love this story, obsessed). In this way I identify with Jeffree Star. My dogs die, Nate leaves, some things are beyond money. In generosity and courage I assume the position of someone who narrowly escaped. It is a cover thought for a feeling of loss so profound it cannot be experienced this year, next year. In 113 more years (see above). But after that. Jocelyn Wildenstein was a skilled hunter; she met her husband on his Hunting Estate. He loved cats so she made herself one. The Jews survived the Concentration Camp by Concentrating on how they were in close proximity to the Nazi’s but not of The Same Material. The Jews needed the experience to Register the strength of their mettle. You are welcome. We need each other. This is modern consent. I am grateful. Thank you. It just goes on. I call the cops tell them PAEGN is ████ █████ █████, eldest son of ████ and ████.²²

I theorise because I am angry and sad. There’s nothing left. I write about it. “Don’t cry–work.”²³ I don’t care about Kylie Jenner, it’s just when I witness the successful dance of Energy according to the Will of the Creator, my ancestral memory recalls the competition of the Egg and the Sperm, my heart yearns from inside its own Lack. Intrasexual competition has women act as sperm jostling for an ersatz Egg (re-cast male), scrambled. Phaedra Parks is erotic because she reads as an Egg. I see a picture of Scarlett Johansen and I think it’s because of her outfit that I finally understand her appeal, but then when cropping the Image, I realise it is because her hand is being held.

Melbourne Abject It Girl War Game. Private school girls from Wilderness, South Australia.²⁴ Celebrities date each other, then replace each other. We Buffer and Render into our Place under the Sun. █████████████ ████████.²⁵ I see ████ at the library. He looks at me with sad eyes and says he has been worried about me and says he asks people we know if they know how I am and he assumed because I didn’t reply to his two texts in four months that I was in the psych-ward. I ask him why he didn’t call then? I meet with ████ at the library and he tells me about the Guzzler Scene Report female artists’ canon group-show. Foundations get walked on. It’s not true, I was looking through an old hard drive. ████ ███ made me cool. ██ made me safe. ██ made me cool. ███ made me coolest. For this reason, I cling to ████. It goes on, before and after. All women do it. Women alone are capable of nothing. Women are artists, just not good ones. But we can dance for men. In a way I cannot stop writing myself out, it just happens. I cry to █████ about my super potency, it swings into complete vacated infertility and then in the bathroom I pray to God; be with me, guide me, he says be subtext. The only thing a woman has is her hierarchal status produced from sexual marketplace viability and I stopped the clock on moving forward w this game. I can’t. I’m standing still which means I’m going back, I’m drying out, carrying no weapons, which is a WMD then fucking ERIKA comes out with her season 12 tagline. I was going for psychic net-zero.

The curfew is lifted and the graffitos are out writing. Faith is somehow I’m vegetally written back in.²⁶ Law reform is: Anything real cannot be threatened. I’ll check back, in five years. I call the cops to say I have not been given what I am owed.

A mark can be a blemish, an easy target, a redemption, a victim.

My sponsor says “cut the romantic intrigue” like Karen’s mum from Tunic (Song For Karen). I chose her because she is Cruel. Like ████, my silly little Iconoclast. I know it doesn’t seem it, but I promise I’m trying to let go.

People like to remove themselves from the place that triggers their insecurities […]
go where temptation doesn’t exist […]
face the demons
London is full of them
new york is worse
hence why i like it
need to go through the inferno
to know the truth
and find peace
its rewarding […]
hype williams hasn’t ended
inga just isn’t there
but she wasn’t the only other person involved in the project
sometimes to work with someone,you need to consume each other to realise things.and unfortunately once that consumption has run its course,things may change
but the child remains […]
people not from london obsess over london sounds
way more than actual Londoners
they try too hard
so most ‘dub/uk/bass nonsense is usually swag
when it’s made by tom from bath
like …
justin timberlake aint a good dancer..he counts his steps like raatid mathematician
it isn’t natural to him
and it translates
so ramalamadindongman
or whatever he is called
can’t ever nail what he’s trying
because its assimilated
not felt […]
never thought about what people think
inga was the only opinion that mattered

“was”.²⁷

It’s 2027 I’m still at the Caulfield Library. No crutches left. Life is profoundly ugly and without Sex. I tried faith for years and now I’m infertile. The only thing left to do is scratch. I try to strip everything back. If there is no hope, then at least let me feel it. Close the window. Close the door.²⁸ Quit76. “We surrender, one day at a time, our whole life strategy of, and our obsession with, the pursuit of romantic and sexual intrigue and emotional dependency.”²⁹ Redacted. Rot at the core. Left looping, untranslatable, under layers. The fish stinks from the head down. We fire the Boss, fire the Board. A Being observing a mind experiencing itself.

I just delete the redacted now, I don’t even bother. Try with a fantasy, hate the fantasy. Each word I write it’s a loss. Trying says the present is not enough. It shows itself in its working. Stuck scratching, looping, rendering like Lindy Lee photocopy just the same thing repeating, deteriorating. Each drop begging to breach the dam. Deluded. Flaccid. “The biggest coffee shop in the world; nothing happens, it’s purgatory for people who failed in their own countries.”³⁰ If there are lifetimes before and after this, then there is no rush. He said… idk I deleted the email. The studio floods.

Disrupted H-system³¹ causes severe depression. If the disruption is not caused by physical damage, external chemicals (fuck fluoride) or psychological trauma (abuse, loss), the reason is always in straying from the Path. I will explain using Russia and Japan as an example. 2/? […]
In systems like that you either slave yourself for the communal good (which is good for no one) or for your corporation. In both cases you are not walking your own Path. You have no fulfillment and your h-system punishes you for submition. 11/? […]
Many cultures came to realisation of the path. We know about logos, karma, Valhalla etc., all of which is correct in their observation. Slight difference is h-system will punish you while you still alive. 12/? […]
If you try to cheat the system and do not work hard enough because you don’t need to (inheritance, nepotism or any other system based not on meritocracy), you are going to get fucked by your hormonal system. Pop pills, feel better now? The karma is delayed, but temporarily. 13/? […]
It will haunt you down with even more force. You should act that you are. Men be men. Woman be woman. Or suffer hormonal retaliation, then depression and suicide. There are several paths to take to avoid it, though, similar to character classes in RPGs. 14/? […]
You cannot throw menstrual blood and semen on canvas, slap a price tag and call it a day. Your h-system will not be happy, because deep down you understand that all you did is bullshit and you wasting your time by stealing your own potential. 18/? […]
If you create degeneracy, you will know it unless you went full Satanist occult devil worship retard path (now you are beyond salvation). One of the best and easy to understand explanations of the Creator’s path is the Parable of the Talents (Matthew 25:14–30). 19/? […]
In this parable, a master gives his 3 slaves several gold coins (talents) before leaving, 2 slaves put their talents to good use and doubled their money in size, the third one buried it in the ground and received punishment upon the masters arrival . 20/? […] So, if you don’t put your talent to good use and do something with it, you will be punished by your master (h-system). 21/? […]
Not sure, if the Parent’s path is the sub-path of the Creator’s or should stand on its own, but you should start walking it before a certain age (esp. for women), otherwise your h-system will start chipping away your soul piece by piece with increasing force every year. 22/? […]
Self-help addicts cannot escape from h-system karma, simply because they are selfishly focus on themselves. The only way self-help is going to help you is if your intention to become better for other peoples sake (family members count as well). 23/? […]
I believe that the Path is the path to fulfill the will of God (the Christian Logos). But if you are not Christian, it’s OK. You can use this knowledge without contrading your believe system, since all of such systems are based on a similar concept with varying degrees. 25/? […]
I paid a high price for straying from the Path. I have lost 10 year of my live by living without living. Today I have realized my mistakes. Walking the Path is not an easy task, but it is the only way. I shall not fear again. 27/?”³²

Not a hysteric, or a schizoid, just an Addict Artist Alcoholic. There is relief. Redemption follows the acceptance of Prognosis. And prescription. Bleak House, Dickens. A schizophrenic plays with the stream against the grain. The Tudor House plays into its own Negativity. I don’t do the steps. I get sicker. The eyebrows on the 1920s street urchin ice addict are drawn too thin and too high and too bold or too feathered. Hair by Madison. The stylisation holds the Information. Coolness is literally ONLY a lie, but I can’t make a case for warmth—it’s Ugly. An artist should try and make security appealing, sexy. An artist should try and burn down the old world. HTRK should try and stop singing about co-dependency.

She gets her boyfriend’s name tattooed across her face in Celtic font, like Tinkerbell.³³

What I wrote next I deleted.

A favourite porn energetic is amateur, when you can tell they are in a SLAA nightmare and reacting only to the drug-like release of their addiction, Chloë Sevigny suckling on Vincent Gallo, bound up in the 1:1 moment of Needing External Attention-Approval-Validation-Soothing-Safety-Security and The Temporary Illusion of Getting It-Having It-Receiving It-It’s On It’s Way. It never comes, it never stays, have you ever had it? I grab at it. In summer of 2018/2019 I made a pact with Ander, anything to survive for one year. I dip into my Aesop cloth bag packed w painkillers. When you surrender to the disease it can feel incredible. To believe in a moment that you can control and access Source. For One Moment we are In Correct Time. But it’s video. There is an un-closable lag between the device translating the material code and its relation to the feed. You can’t win, you can’t break even, and you can’t get out of the game.³⁴ There’s always a tax. Amateur Rendering. Surrender is higher render. Earl Speakertape says it’s the ultimate buzz. I love it best when my boyfriends tell me how to paint. When something is disturbed, it is correct because it is registered correctly. It is broken, you can see that. That is peaceful. Spiritual Povera is a Surrender. The guy leaves, he goes on with his life, the girl is stuck looping seconds behind. It’s not coming. Something else is. Something else is stalking behind Ambition. Josef Strau EXIT sign.

Before coming to the Fellowship of N.A., we could not manage our own lives. We could not live and enjoy life as other people do. We had to have something different and we thought we had found it in drugs.³⁵

His real name is Roy.

Red light. Hay pile.

A giant thick coloured Tibetan Endless knot tattoo on your neck, it is Shimmered Elegance.

We finger silver eyeshadow over your Endless Knot swazi throat tatt.

On your Adam’s Apple is a swastika, I cover it in RMS unCover, it rubs off in summer when we are fucking on your studio couch.

I am naked and trying to explain that I have had cool clothes in the past.

I don’t have a house but am Decorating. Can only make be suicidal. Start projects. We must finish.

He didn’t use soap, he said “he floated transcendently above society”.

This text isn’t a diss. It’s an ode, devotional.

An alien addiction is inside of me. A slave to Inflammation. I love him.

Where there is an Alien call in an Angel.

Blame is the Action of not taking accountability.

“Victim” screen-print t-shirt.

Straight Gallery.

I pray Michael be with me. He tries to come in. He’s here now.

The accountability is on the individual to supersede its own Circumstance, by either going Against the Stream (which is against the grain—a Negative) or with the Stream (which is down the stream—a Positive). The fun of the game is in the Tolerance of Pain. We are in the Ocean, a magnesium bath, bicarb, the feelings hurt, it is this sting we come to experience. We should be happy about it, living is a gift. We asked to be born. The schizophrenic, the meth-head, addict artist alcoholic stripper stylist curator anorexic codep whore rodent muppet fashionista disgusting queer, person who became the internet, are stuck in a place of shirking responsibility, not being Response-Able. BPD. There is a Buffering problem. There should be change from ages 28 to 29. She could sell millions with a temporary hair-colour hairspray in little graffiti-ing cans.³⁶ Boutique graphic design label.³⁷ Like a bug trapped in amber, the cool painter only expresses an inauthenticity, that is what is being communicated, that is what we respond to. It looks like Total Possibility but it’s not or we would be free and I’m not so you couldn’t be. I don’t think something truly authentic could register as cool. But an artist should try.

We are at a party and it is silly, there is Ketamine. We mingle, not Integrate. I could not tell you what the point of Integration would be. I could not tell you what the point of sobriety is. We cannot Imagine meaningful employment. We cannot Imagine we left one womb for another. God shaped hole (the gift). To be accepted as we are, in our Ugliness—not possible, at this time. Maybe later. Buying time, we act out, we signal to attract pauses. Scenes, possés, girlfriends, boyfriends, group shows, make magazines, scream out waving down New York. I type out my curse. I broke with Orthodoxy. To Face our Ugliness. I don’t want to anymore, it’s too much. There are limits. But it’s too late. I write on. I’m doing it for us. Fucking selfless!

“Don’t you know we are a family?”

Inauthenticity sculpts in, corrosive, makes marks, leaves maps. I wanted The Factory not the Heavens. I got The Factory and wanted The Heavens. I left The Factory for The Heavens. Back banging on the factory door, homeless, locked out of both. I thought the Pills-People-Places-Things were keys. Satan’s fake ass fake keys. Michael said the exit plan centers heaven as any present moment.